How to Find God’s Will in Who to Date

How to Know God's Will in Dating Last month, I lived in anxiety wondering how in the world do I know if this is the man God wants me to date? I was paralyzed with uncertainties. I had met a man who loved Jesus, but did that mean we should date? I was uncertain if God was opening a door or if our meeting in an elevator was just a random occurrence. I was certain of one thing – I wanted to follow God’s will in this decision. Let’s be honest, figuring out God’s will in who to date seems daunting. How do we really know God’s will in who to date?

While I was trying to figure out if I should date him, I spent weeks praying, seeking guidance and trying to find answers in the Bible, yet I still did not know God’s will. Thankfully, in one of my seminary classes I learned a new model for decision making and the decision became clear. I want to share with you a new model of decision making when it comes to who to date. This model could be used with other major decisions as well.

If you are living in anxiety over a big decision, know that you are not alone, God cares and God will not let go of you.

3 Steps to Find God’s Will in Who to Date

1. What does scripture say?

The Bible does not answer every question we ask. The Word only shows what is right and wrong in certain areas, thus we should only consult the Bible in these areas. We often think the Bible is a magic book that answers everything, but in regards to dating, not much is said. Dating was not even a concept in Bible times. The most specific answer the Bible provides for who to date is to make sure that you are equally yoked. This means that as a Christian, you must date and marry another Christian.

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV).

So, ask yourself, is he a believer? If the answer is no, then you cannot date him. There is no grey area for this question. If the answer is yes, then move on to step 2.

2. Are there any moral reasons you should not date him?

Now is the time to look into your life and his life and to ask yourself if there is any moral reason you should not date. For example, if you are addicted to porn then you probably shouldn’t date, but instead you should work on that sin issue. It will be harder to examine his heart and to know if there are any moral reasons to not date him than to examine your own heart. For this reason, it is important to spend time getting to know each other in the context of friendship. Spend time with him in groups and see how he interacts with other women. What are your friends saying about him? Do they approve? Are they seeing any red flags?

If there is no moral reason to not date, then get excited – there is freedom in your decision! You now can choose freely if you want to date him. Do you have fun together? Could you see yourself together long term? Ladies, you can’t mess up God’s will. The Bible is not going to tell you if you should date this specific guy. Embrace the freedom that God has given you in this decision and remember that this is not a decision of right or wrong.

If he loves Jesus, if he is equally yoked with you and if there are no moral issues – you can freely choose to date him.

At this point, you still may be asking, but how do I know for sure that dating him is God’s will? What if I miss out on someone else? How do I know he is the one?

There are probably hundreds of believers on this planet that you could date. I believe that a man becomes “the one” the moment he becomes your husband. (Read why you can not miss out on “the one.”) With that being said, let’s continue to step 3.

3. Trust the God of the Bible to accomplish His plan.

Most of God’s plans are secret. We have to fearlessly trust in Him to accomplish His will. We can’t seek God’s individual will for our lives because God did not reveal them to us. God does have a will and a plan for each and every one of us, but most of the time it is secret.

If God is keeping secrets, it is not our role to figure them out. When God wants to be heard, he will make Himself heard.

Have you heard someone say that they want to make the right decision because they want to be at the center of God’s will? This is not possible. We can’t live at the center of God’s will because it’s a secret. Trust in Him friends. Trust that He knows what He is doing. He knows who you will date. He knows who you will marry.

So yes, take dating seriously. Pray and seek wise council, but don’t live in anxiety over your decision like I did. Enjoy the freedom that God has given you for this decision. Enjoy getting to know the man. Enjoy the moments of new experiences and feelings. I hope you find freedom from this post. I think a lot of believers want so badly to live for God that we stress ourselves out when it comes to decision making. Ladies, there is freedom and there is grace in decision making. And let me tell you, experiencing God’s freedom and grace in dating is a beautiful gift from God. Thank God for this gift and enjoy dating.

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16 Comments on How to Find God’s Will in Who to Date

  1. Sam
    October 26, 2015 at 7:47 am (2 years ago)

    Awesome post my friend! Love the ease and clarity of this post as well as your constant reminder that we cannot screw up the will of God. Thanks for your awesome words.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      October 26, 2015 at 2:57 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks Sam! It can be very stressful to try and find God’s will, but we cannot screw it up or miss it. How awesome is that. Glad to have you a part of the JP Ministry community.

      Reply
  2. Catherine
    November 6, 2015 at 1:43 pm (1 year ago)

    Hello Joy! What a wonderful post! It reminded me of times when God was with me through tough decisions.
    Regarding Step 1, about being equally yoked: Do you think this could apply to a Christian who is maybe much younger in the faith than you?
    For example, lets say I’ve been raised in church and have really devoted a lot of my life to knowing and loving Jesus, and I am very steadfast in my faith, and I meet a man who was just saved that year. That man is obviously not going to be on the same level spiritually as I am (Not to say that I would be a better or more amazing Christian in anyway, I just mean that I would be more seasoned? I hope this makes sense)… Do you think this applies to being unequally yoked?

    I look forward to hearing back! Have a lovely day!

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      November 9, 2015 at 1:18 pm (1 year ago)

      Hi Catherine!
      Great question. There is no yes or no answer to this because I believe it varies from person to person. The fact that he is a new believer does not immediately discount him from dating you, but it does mean you may want to take longer to get to know him and make sure he wants to grow and is solid in his new faith. I read that the amount of time a person has been a believer or follower of Christ is not as important as to what a person has done in that time since proclaiming and giving their life to Christ. Do you notice a difference between his old self and new self?

      Don’t discount him as not equally yoked because of the amount of time he has been a believer, instead get to know his heart and discover if he is ready to date. I hope this helps! Feel free to reach out with any other questions. =]
      xoxo Joy

      Reply
  3. Rachel D.
    December 26, 2015 at 2:41 pm (1 year ago)

    Hi Joy 🙂

    Thanks so much for the encouraging post ^_^ I really enjoyed reading it~ I have a question: there’s this guy that I like. He’s 4.5 years older than me and has already graduated college. He has spent a year in Ukraine doing missions work, and is going to graduate school in the fall of 2016. We’ve met in person and have messaged each other on FB a few times. I really really like him, and I think he has all of the qualities of a godly man I could see myself dating and eventually marrying. I would not be thinking of him in this light if I wasn’t sure that I could marry someone like him. The thing is, he doesn’t know that I’m interested in him. Do you think I should tell my parents that I’m interested in him? Or wait until I talk to him again before I tell him? Thanks so much for your advice hopefully 😀

    xo Rachel

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      December 30, 2015 at 10:47 am (1 year ago)

      Hey Rachel, Great question!
      In the Christian dating world, it is nice when the guys take the lead in sharing the feelings for the other and then eventually lead the relationship. Some guys need more time or he may be oblivious to the idea of you liking him. Every situation is different, but has he done anything or said anything that would show you he is interested in you? I don’t think you have to tell your parents, unless you both state that you like each other and want to pursue a dating relationship. Don’t rush or try and force anything that is not there. Remember, you can not mess up God’s will for your life. Be patient and see what happens. He sounds like a great guy!
      You are loved.
      xoxo
      Joy

      Reply
  4. Kairah
    January 22, 2016 at 11:10 am (1 year ago)

    As someone who is currently navigating the answer to this exact question, I loved your insight on how to approach the situation. Personally for me it hasn’t been a question as to if we’ve equally yoked (as we are both Christian) but where we each stand in regards to our personal relationships with God and whether or not we can grow in our faith together.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      January 22, 2016 at 12:38 pm (1 year ago)

      Hi Kairah, Great comment. I have found that getting to know his friends and spending time together in a group and alone has helped me discover that. You can be intentional in asking him how his relationship with God is doing. Ask him was God is teaching him, what he has been reading during his quiet times. Take your time and I believe you will either feel more confident in your relationship or not so much. I hope this helps! Feel free to reach out with any comments or questions.
      Love, Joy

      Reply
  5. Sabrina Dickinson
    March 24, 2016 at 5:43 pm (1 year ago)

    Thank you for this post! I met a man back in October, a few months after my ex-husband left, and he has become my best friend. We both are Christian, we both went through devastating divorces which led us to create a stronger walk with Christ, we both have children and we both have the same common interests. What is funny, is I wanted to date him right away. He turned me down, of course, and said that he wasn’t ready to date and that he needed to focus on his walk with Christ. I respected that and decided that I need to do the same.

    Our friendship has grown tremendously and our walks with Christ have improved so very much. We are each other’s best friend. Our kids are best friends. I have done a lot of praying, a lot of soul searching, a lot of opening up my heart to God and allowing his love to fill me.

    I’m happy to say, my best friend and I just recently started dating a few weeks ago. I truly believe, in my heart, that this is the path that God wants us to walk down. We are both equally yoked, our kids mesh very well, we have so much fun together, we go to church together, pray together, worship together. I have yet to meet his friends but I have met his parents and one of his brothers and obviously I have met his kids.

    I continue to pray about my relationship with him but I find that I feel very at peace with this decision to date and my hope is that this will turn into long term and then eventually forever.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      March 30, 2016 at 2:03 pm (1 year ago)

      Hi Sabrina, thanks for sharing your story with this blog community! I’m excited for you and this dating journey. It sounds like you are doing everything right to see if this is God’s will.

      Reply
  6. Jamie
    May 17, 2016 at 11:33 am (11 months ago)

    Hi Joy! Thanks for posting, after a situation this past weekend I have been searching for some guidance and stumbled upon your post. My fiance and I have been engaged since last summer and things have been going pretty good, and a little rocky recebtly. We met at church and have regularly been attending aND involved at a church. Recently I found out he was lying about using weed. We went to a christian counseling session. Then this past weekend we went to a wedding and he drank too much and ended up spending an hour in the bathroom. Of course we were sitting with one of the people over me at work and one of the pastors at our church. I was so embarrassed, he had never done something like that before. The pastor approached me today and said he was concerned and told me to pray about staying with my fiance. I feel so torn and don’t know what to do. Obviously I did pray but I don’t even know how to sort through my emotions and the pastors words.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      July 20, 2016 at 10:34 am (9 months ago)

      Hi Jamie,
      Thanks for your comment and sharing that with me. How have things been since you posted? Have you prayed about? Talked with trusted friends and counselors about it? Hoe is your fiance’s relationship with Jesus? Have you been able to talk with him about what happened?

      Reply
  7. Lonely Lost girl
    August 4, 2016 at 2:06 am (9 months ago)

    Hey Joy. I am looking for some spiritual Guidance here.
    I was dating this guy. We were best friends for three years and were dating for almost 8 months. He loves God and we did daily bible verses and prayed together. My family loved him, I liked his family. We had good communication. We wanted the same things in life. And he could see himself marrying me and I could to honestly. But after 6 months i would get this voice and gut feeling to “break up with him.” It didn’t make any sense to me. I wondered if it was God but never got a why. I wondered if it was Satan getting in the way of a good thing. Or just me being afraid of the future and commitment. This was my first relationship as well and parts of it moved rather quickly. But I love him and I was trying to follow Gods will with the relationship. Anyway. I ignored it for two months. It got more and more persistent though. And I was at a conference thingy and spoke to on of the leaders there. She prayed and said she definitely felt like I was hearing from God. So I prayed and really tried to just listen. Again the voice said “break up, I have better planned for you. He can’t go where I’m taking you.” And I asked more questions and I was getting solid answers. I just knew that I needed to break up with him. I had this weird peace that I’m doing the right thing. And do I did, three weeks ago and I can’t stop wondering if I’m wrong? Did I just throw away something amazing because I’m afraid? But then I’m also like “no! This is God. That’s why you feel the weird peace right?” And I just don’t know what to do or think. He doesn’t agree with me that it was God and several people are calling me a liar. Are they right….? Please help.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      August 8, 2016 at 10:31 am (9 months ago)

      Hi friend,
      I’ve gone through a similar thing, so you’re not alone. Were there any red flags in the relationship? How is his relationship with God? It could have been the Holy Spirit telling you to break up or it could have been your own fear running from something good. How does your decision making process normally go? Do you run from things out of fear? If so, maybe you are running. Have you heard the Holy Spirit before with decisions? Can you ask godly men in his life about him? I would keep praying and keep seeking godly wisdom. The good news is that you can not miss God’s will for your life. If he wants you together or apart, it will happen. =]

      Reply
  8. Lonely Lost Girl
    August 8, 2016 at 10:55 am (9 months ago)

    The only Red flags I could see was that we sometimes would push things physically. We never had sex but make out sessions could get close to pushing things too far. He loves God and is seeking for Gods will in his life. He is heavily involved in the children’s ministry department because he feels like God is using him there. We would pray together often and have deep discussions about bible passages and he would always remind me how God sees me when I was feeling insecure. I make decisions a lot of the time based on just gut feeling. When I can’t seem to argue with myself anymore. I don’t know if I’ve ever really heard God before. I mean I think so for little things. Like going to talk to that person or praying for someone. Nothing big like this… I think I sometimes do make decisions out of fear. I don’t know who I would ask really… :/

    Reply
  9. Anon
    February 27, 2017 at 11:53 pm (2 months ago)

    Step one is dogmatic, poorly considered, and close-minded. In that Bible verse, a non-believer is equated with darkness and wickedness. That implies to me that the verse isn’t referring to people who aren’t Christian, but rather to people who lack faith and charity. After all, Christians, Muslims, and Jews all believe in the God of Abraham and certainly would not be considered dark or wicked.

    Reply

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