Are you currently dating? Are you wondering if the red flags are BIG enough reasons to break up? Are your friends and family concerned about the relationship? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this post is for you. If you feel in your heart that something is just not right about your relationship – don’t ignore these feelings. This could be the Holy Spirit leading you to break up. Today Sam Eaton will share 10 signs that you may be dating the wrong person.
Share your thoughts and dating experiences in the comment section below! xoxo Joy
She was easily the most hilarious person I have ever met. Our alarmingly sudden spark ignited as we collided at a drinking fountain outside a roaring great wedding reception. Her kind, brown eyes whispered, “let’s have an adventure” and her smile was like a crazy NASA invention that magnetically forced a grin across my boyish face.
Before I knew it our lives were entangled as we spent almost every day together checking out hipster dive bars with the best french fries in town and sipping homemade root beer while cheering on pig races.
It all happened so fast that I didn’t stop to think about a future; she made me feel alive in the present and that’s all I really cared about. The truth is, all the signs were there that she wasn’t what I was truly looking for, but that didn’t seem to stop me. (Check out Joy’s Post on How to Find God’s Will In Who to Date.)
Over the last five years, my perspective on dating has been completely turned upside down. I started to ask a really tough question, “Does God care who I date?” Survey Says: DUH! Of course God cares! God is the perfect father and what good father wouldn’t have a (strong) opinion about who his child is dating?
About two months after becoming official, I had a sudden moment of confusion and clarity. This girl was totally wrong for me and we wanted entirely different things in life. Yet, no part of me wanted to let her go. She had become the center of my world and my big head had fallen for her over my clumsy heels.
The fallout was a heartbreak that I wasn’t ready for and that could have been prevented. All these years later, I can see so many warning signs that I completely ignored. I just wish someone had been around to point them out to me. So, in hopes of being that friend for you, here are:
10 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person
1.) The people who know you the best aren’t very impressed.
Trust the Godly people who have known you the longest – your family, your friends, your mentors (especially those who are older than you). They have way more life experience to see things you cannot. Often God speaks to us through these people: listen.
2.) People say you’ve changed a lot since you started dating them.
Of course you will change when you enter a relationship, but the core of your identity should
remain the same, regardless of who you’re dating.
3.) You’ve stopped making time for the people who matter.
Most of us have experienced this story: as soon as a friend gets in a relationship you barely
ever hear from them again or, even worse, seeing them without their “other half” is as rare as
finding a unicorn. The right person should be encouraging you to strengthen, not neglect, the most important relationships in your life.
4.) He/she keeps pushing physical boundaries and/or is all about the public displays of affection (PDA).
If you have talked boundaries and you keep going farther, maybe it’s time to evaluate what that’s really about and what that might mean for your relationship in other areas. A little hand holding never hurt anyone, but constant touching in public is often a sign of insecurity.
Haven’t set physical boundaries or want to learn more? (Check out the benefits of boundaries in dating.)
5.) They are distracting your relationship with God.
The right relationship should encourage your personal relationship with God, not distract from it. This should always be our focus: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31 (NIV).
6.) You don’t see yourself marrying them or parenting with them.
This one should be obvious, but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to believe that the big issues in our relationship were a problem for future Sam to worry about. Yet, I was creating a deep love for someone who didn’t want a family when that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Obviously you don’t have to know in the first weeks, but make sure your non-negotiables line up from the start.
7.) He/She doesn’t take the time to get to know your parents, your siblings and your best friends.
If you are truly going to spend your life with this person, he/she is going to be spending a lot of time with your people. If he/she isn’t making an effort now, it’s pretty unlikely that this will change in the future. Loving these people is an essential part of loving you.
8.) They aren’t really going anywhere in their own future.
You shouldn’t be their entire 10 year plan. Are they making good decisions regardless of yours or are they treading water just to be with you? They should be working towards a better tomorrow whether you are a part of that or not.
9.) Your big life dreams aren’t as bright as they were before you started dating them.
The truth is most people don’t chase their biggest dreams, they abandon them and settle for an average life. Whoever you are with for the long haul should be making your dreams bigger, not smaller and closer, not farther away.
10.) You find yourself making excuses to yourself (and others) about their actions.
Whatever the warning sign, you always have an answer ready to let them off the hook instead of confronting the real issues. You shouldn’t have to constantly defend the right person. I am not saying that you should immediately ditch your “beau” if you feel convicted by one of these signs; we know that no one is perfect. Yet, when present, they scream something about your partner’s heart that I, 27 year old Sam, begs you not to ignore.
The truth is, even now, I still miss that crazy girl sometimes. I could have sat around drinking in her hilarious punch lines and free-spirit for many years. Yet, I know that what we had was never God’s design for a relationship and certainly not for a marriage.
Be smart about who you are investing your future in and with whom you are spending your time. Check in with people who love you throughout this journey to talk about what they see and how you feel. Put some safeguards in place to protect your heart and to make sure your dating relationship is honoring God. And, when you find that person, the human who fits in your life, brings you closer to God, and makes you excited about your future together, you’ll finally start to understand just how good a Christ-centered relationship can be. And that, my friends, more than anything, is worth the wait.
Do you agree with these warning signs? What would you add to this list? Join the conversation in the comment section below!
Meet Sam: Sam Eaton writes at RecklesslyAlive.com and is a monthly contributor to JP Ministries. Sam’s heart for Jesus is contagious. He’s a music teacher by day, and a youth minister and worship musician by night. You can friend him on twitter @aliverecklessly.