You may think I’m crazy. You might think that what I’m about to say is not relevant in today’s world. Hear me out. In high school, I was not planning on waiting until marriage, I just hoped I found a guy I loved. This all changed when I fell in love with God. Now, I want to honor God and give Him all the glory in my current relationship, so I plan on waiting to have sex until my wedding night.
The Bible calls us to be pure and avoid sexual immorality. This is 100% different from the world, but remember that Jesus warns us that we will look different.
I’ve heard a few myths from readers and friends on why they don’t think a couple should wait until their wedding night to have sex. Let me share these myths with you and explain why I think they are myths.
Myth #1: I can’t marry someone I haven’t slept with.
I have had multiple friends ask me these questions: How can I marry someone I haven’t slept with? How do I know it will be good? Friends, this is a myth.
I recently took a class called Human Sexuality at Dallas Theological Seminary. Our professor shared that this is a common question that people have asked him. He shared the usual conversation with us, check out his bluntness.
To guy: “Do you have a penis?”
To girl: “Do you have a vagina?”
Professor: “Then it will work.”
God designed men and women to fit together in a beautiful way. There are different pain disorders for women and reasons why sex might not work, especially the first time, but trying sex out as a test run before the wedding won’t fix all these problems.
Myth #2: No guy exists that would want to wait for marriage.
Where are you finding these guys? If you are only finding men at a party, no wonder they don’t want to wait. Have you thought about finding a guy at church?
God calls women AND MEN to live a life of purity. You are believing a lie when you say that ‘no man will wait.” Godly men will wait to have sex, and believe me, finding one of these guys is worth the wait.
Myth #3: Having sex before we get married won’t hurt anything.
The more physical you get, the more emotional the relationship gets. Sex bonds two people. It also makes it harder to judge if anything is going poorly in the relationship. Sex could blind you from red flags and keep you from breaking up with someone that you need to break up with.
Myth #4: It is impossible to wait for marriage.
Yes, waiting for marriage to have sex could be one of the hardest things you’ll go through. This may seem impossible, but with God it is not impossible.
Myth #5: Pre-marital sex really won’t affect my relationship with God.
We can’t have fellowship with God and live in darkness and sin. We can’t strengthen our bond with the Lord, if we keep allowing ourselves to fall into temptation.
Myth #6: Engaging in pre-marital sex will strengthen our relationship.
Actually, the opposite is true. I believe that sex outside of marriage can hurt your relationship and slow down growth by causing emotional confusion and distracting you from pursuing other activities during the dating and engagement stages.
Myth #7: Physical intimacy is the foundation of a great marriage.
I recently heard that if a couple has sex two times a week, this only consists of 1% of your life. Do you want to build the foundation of your marriage on only 1%?
Myth #8: Sex is only intercourse.
Purity is more than not having sexual intercourse. Many couples avoid sexual intercourse, but are still sexually intimate. This is just as sinful as those who are having intercourse. The Bible defines purity as being morally excellent and holy. Are the things that you are doing morally excellent and holy to God?
I know that the Bible doesn’t specifically address ‘how far is too far’, however it is clear that we are to flee sexual immorality.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18.
If you are a follower of Jesus, then you are commanded to live a life radically different from the world. For dating and engaged couples, this means that we are to wait until marriage to experience God’s design for sex.
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2.
Friends, I’m not trying to be a killjoy. I’m not trying to ruin your life. Believe me, I know how hard it is to wait for marriage. I’m sharing these myths with you because I want you to experience greater oneness, peace and joy in marriage.
For more on this subject: check out these additional verses on purity below and this post, What does the Bible say about Purity.
“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” Ephesians 5:3.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4.
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality.” Galatians 5:19.
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