Saving Sex for Marriage | From a Guy’s Perspective

sex-waiting-marriage

“You’ll never find a man to marry who isn’t a virgin!” said a friend to me, Joy, many years ago. I remember thinking, “Why should I wait if he’s not going to wait?” Well ladies, there are men who will be virgins on their wedding night. There are men who value God’s Word and desire to live out purity in singleness and marriage. Sam Eaton is one of those men.

Check out his guest post: Saving Sex for Marriage | From a Guy’s Perspective

Love, Joy


I don’t want to write this post, frankly, I don’t want to talk to you about this at all. Not because I’m ashamed or uncomfortable with the topic, but rather no part of me wants to be a poster child for this “crazy” decision I’ve made.

For the men in our society, sex has long been a badge of honor—the exact opposite of the Scarlet Letter handed out to the girls who do the same. The phrase, “she made a man out of him,” tells you everything you need to know about how ingrained and rewarded losing your virginity is in the world of men.

The truth is, nothing in my life has brought more ridicule and harassment than my decision to wait to have sex until marriage.

Whenever the topic comes up, I am almost always met with one of four reactions:

  1. Shock: “WHAT?! YOU ARE CRAZY!”
  2. Attempted Humiliation: “Oh, so you could never get anyone to sleep with you? It’s okay bro.”
  3. Bewilderment: “What, are you amish or something?”
  4. Doubt: This is the most charming reaction, “so you’re gay?”

The truth is, they’re right, there are millions of reasons not to wait for marriage.

There is the statistic that shows only 3% of Americans wait to have sex until marriage, approximately 1 in 30 people.

Not only do I feel alone, but I also fight countless messages from media. There is the pornography lurking across every social media site (and a culture who accepts it as a part of a “healthy sex life”). There is this viral post from a Christian woman telling everyone to stop waiting and that it wasn’t worth it. There is an advertisement industry screaming at us to indulge in anything that makes us feel good #YOLO. Every song and movie out there is saying sex with whoever you want whenever you want is totally the norm. And don’t we all want to be normal?

So why on God’s green earth would anyone choose to stand in the hurricane of this chaos and… wait? (8 Myths About Waiting for Your Wedding Night)

I grew up in the presence of the world’s worst marriage. I hid under couches while the neighbor-peering-over-the-fence yelling matches waged on for hours and hours. Moreover, there weren’t any men around stepping up to mentor me or invest in my future. I was left to navigate everything on my own.

While I’ve spent my life longing for men who actually care about me, I’ve also learned to trust and rely on a God who is “a father to the fatherless.” (Psalm 68:5) I’ve learned that when I follow his advice on how to live a beautiful life, he never lets me down. Don’t get me wrong, I also like to stick my fingers in my ears and sing at the top of my lungs when I don’t like what He has to say. Yet, when it comes to sex, yes I actually have listened to Him when he said:

“Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” Hebrews 13:4.

and again in the first letter Paul wrote to the Thessalonians:

“One final word, friends. We ask you—urge is more like it—that you keep on doing what we told you to do to please God, not in a dogged religious plod, but in a living, spirited dance. You know the guidelines we laid out for you from the Master Jesus. God wants you to live a pure life.

Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body, not abusing it, as is so common among those who know nothing of God. God hasn’t invited us into a disorderly, unkempt life but into something holy and beautiful—as beautiful on the inside as the outside.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 7.

Much of my entire life has felt disorderly and unkempt, so I continue to cling to this promise through every taunt and jab of embarrassment. Every time this world has told me my values are stupid and don’t matter I take the blow, choosing again and again to trust in this God who has never let me down.

My decision to wait is not based on some rigid religious regulation or some purity ring forced on my finger by a fanny-pack wearing youth group leader. I know God would still love me if I decided to say screw it and give up… and believe me, temptation has knocked at my door more times than Sheldon from Big Bang Theory going to visit Penny. (knock, knock, knock… Penny!)

But even deeper, I’m waiting because I believe in something more; I’m waiting out of honor for my future wife. I want to give that part of my soul to one person and I don’t ever want her to worry about comparisons or infections. Regardless of her past, I want her to know that I sacrificed to bless her and that she was worth the wait.

I challenge you to learn more about the holy and beautiful life God is inviting us all into, yes including sex. If your life has felt disorderly and unkempt as mine has, maybe consider there is a different way of living besides the way advertisements and movie industry says we have to live.

If you’ve decided not to wait or if some terrible human made that decision for you, know that our Father has nothing but love and compassion for you. Know that you can start over at any time for in Jesus you are a new creation, the old life is gone and the new one has begun. (2 Corinthians 5:17.)

Start by asking God about his heart behind waiting and don’t put yourself in a position where this decision will be made by accident or out of a moment of weakness. Make a real, informed, intentional decision about the life you want to live and the person who you want to be.

And ladies, if you know a guy who is waiting or did wait, be sure to tell him how rare and awesome he is. I can guarantee you, he’s been battling for his purity harder than you may ever know.

Waiting for marriage can be a lonely road, a road that no one seems to understand yet, I am trying every single day to lead the beautiful and holy life God has created for me. I think that’s all God really wants for all us.

Dare to be different than the person this world screams at you to be.

Dare to believe in beautiful life God promises to all of us.

Dare to resist the instant gratification and instead wait for the plan God has for your life.  For sometimes we learn more in the waiting than we ever knew was possible.

Sometimes waiting is the greatest gift of all.


Meet Sam: Sam Eaton writes at RecklesslyAlive.com and is a monthly contributor of JP Ministries. Sam’s heart for Jesus is contagious. He’s a music teacher by day, and a youth ministry and worship musician by night. You can friend him on twitter @aliverecklessly.


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17 Comments on Saving Sex for Marriage | From a Guy’s Perspective

  1. DA
    October 10, 2016 at 11:35 pm (1 year ago)

    Be encouraged Sam! I know it’s not easy, but I guarantee you it will be worth it. You are not alone. I know what it’s like to be ridiculed for my choice; but my love for Jesus helps to buffer me from the effects of the naysayers’ words. Your wife will be blessed by your waiting, and I pray that God sends her to you soon (in His timing). Be encouraged, Jesus and I are rooting for you 🙂

    Reply
  2. Tracy
    October 20, 2016 at 2:59 am (12 months ago)

    Firstly you are a true Gem and one of many few that would wait, that decision was taken from me. In saying that, Thank you for addressing that our Father has nothing but love and compassion for me. And that I can start over at any time for in Jesus you are a new creation. May I be able to guide my daughter on a better path than the one I had and to treat this issue of sex with great respect, and to wait for that perfect someone to be my life long partner who loves and appreciates me as God does.

    Reply
  3. Cheryl
    October 27, 2016 at 4:55 pm (12 months ago)

    Bravo young man, not only for standing firm in your convictions (which in itself is rare and counter-cultural) but for your willingness to put yourself out there to encourage others as well. It is amazing how the Lord has guided your steps, especially in light of your upbringing. Press on for the Lord!

    Reply
  4. Chelsea
    October 29, 2016 at 10:23 am (12 months ago)

    What an awesome post! My husband waited for me and I for him. It is truly a comfort to know that we have a pure sexual relationship. This is such an encouraging word to me. I really do appreciate that you take a stand.

    Reply
  5. Christine
    November 6, 2016 at 10:06 pm (12 months ago)

    What a wonderful, encouraging post! It is such a blessing to know you are honoring the Lord and your future spouse in your decision. Continue to hold firm and may the Lord continue to bless your life, Sam!

    Reply
  6. Lisa
    November 30, 2016 at 10:57 am (11 months ago)

    Hi Sam,
    It’s a wonderful pleasure to read your post. Thank you Joy for reposting his blog. I too personally decided to wait for marriage in my early teens, learn to respect my future husband as well as the reasons you listed above for your future wife. Faced with well meaning friends who tried to convince me I was old fashioned, it doesn’t matter any more, you wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it first. Kudos for speaking on this topic for Singles. Sadly I see Christian singles not choosing their love for Christ over sexual activities. Personally I had one man (a Christian) tell me God understands you have needs, God loves you and debated the scriptures with me. I pray individuals wake up to their reality how serious God is in his calling of us to be disciples and light unto the world for the unbeliever and support our brothers and sisters in Christ

    Reply
  7. Jane
    February 1, 2017 at 4:46 pm (9 months ago)

    Virginity. A big issue over a little tissue. Please stop believing in fairy-tales and live for yourself. You’ll be happier that way.

    Reply
    • Amanda
      February 17, 2017 at 10:16 am (8 months ago)

      If you believe it’s not a big issue, then you don’t even know what it’s all about.

      Reply
  8. Amanda
    February 17, 2017 at 10:13 am (8 months ago)

    You’re not alone. My husband and I both waited. And you know what’s missing every time we come together? Only memories of other people. In other words, we missed out on NOTHING. We belong fully and solely to each other and it is SO. WORTH. IT. (Did I mention he was a month shy of 29 on our wedding night? Yeah, he waited a long time. And neither of us are sorry.) He was a real man for waiting for me, and I will be forever grateful to him.
    Guys, if someone thinks you’re not a “real man” because you haven’t done what any 13-year-old can do–which is to say, it’s no real test–they have no idea what true masculinity is all about. Don’t listen to them. Go for the Real Deal…honoring your God, and your wife.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      February 17, 2017 at 2:51 pm (8 months ago)

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! We need more people to share how God was glorified from the waiting. Love, Joy

      Reply
  9. Liz Rigby
    March 10, 2017 at 10:38 pm (7 months ago)

    My husband and I were both virgins the day we got married, although it was very difficult since we waited all four years of college to get married. It takes a deeper level of courage and commitment to something greater than yourself to withstand such an onslaught of depravity.

    Reply
    • joypedrow
      March 14, 2017 at 10:40 am (7 months ago)

      Yes it does! There is no way my fiance and I could continue fighting for purity with out our love for God and the power of the Holy Spirit.

      Reply
  10. SD
    April 18, 2017 at 9:35 pm (6 months ago)

    Thank you so much for sharing Sam! You are not alone! I am in my 30’s and have never had sex. I too want to honor my future spouse and give that part of myself to him and only him. You are an encouragement and inspiration!

    Reply
  11. Jess Gerthe
    July 4, 2017 at 1:01 pm (4 months ago)

    Sam what a refreshing post. As a woman in my late 20s I am constantly ridiculed for my decision to save sex for marriage, even by my friends who love Jesus. I have accepted the reality that it is very unlikely I will marry a man who is a virgin. Even still I choose to keep mine because I trust that God knows what is best for me and wants to give me life abundantly. I have learned to trust that He is not withholding good things but rather protecting good things.
    Your post has given me hope that perhaps there are men out there who love Jesus and have made the conscious decision to wait.
    Regardless of the past of my future mate I know that nothing, NOTHING is beyond the redemptive grace of Jesus.
    Thank you for setting an example by running hard after Christ.
    Grateful for your words and your ministry, Sam.
    Jess

    Reply
  12. Rob
    September 2, 2017 at 11:01 pm (2 months ago)

    Telling people to wait is absurd and irresponsible. Please also watch some Christopher Hitchens videos on you tube…specifically find the vids when he was on tour for his book “God is Not Great. How Religion Poisions Everything”. He was challenged by everyone. If you are a Bible thumper or a hethan it is worth watching.

    Reply
  13. Todd Dufrene
    September 30, 2017 at 7:32 am (3 weeks ago)

    Thanks, Sam. Thanks, Joy. Be encouraged. As I stated in a recent post, there are a lot more of us out here than you would believe if you were to judge solely by what you see in pop culture. There are still large numbers of us who believe that sexual purity does matter and who see the wisdom in it.

    Reply

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